We Are All a Little Ulfric
I am a wolf. A wolf, as you know, is fed by its feet. The life of an adult wolf, a family father, is not a carefree childhood of jumping in puddles and playing tag with sunbeams.
Today, I am more interested in live, and well-fed, hares. I am a husband and a father, head of the family. My task is to bring these cute little creatures to the den for my wife and children. Yes, yes, itโs very much like a human. Only you go to work to earn money and buy food, while I run all day through the forest to catch this food and bring it home.
Runningโฆ This word has recently started to bring me pain and disappointment. Because, applied to me, today it can only be said in the past tense: “ran.” I ran beforeโฆ
I remember that morning so clearly, with perfect reality. Everything was as usual. I got up early, helped my wife wake the pups. While my faithful she-wolf fed the children breakfast, I checked their backpacks and, growling: “Letโs hurry or weโll be late for school,” gathered all six of them and headed to the center of the forest, where by the big oak, old Akela gathers our pups every morning to teach them everything a wolf must know.
After exchanging the usual greetings with the old teacher, I began my usual day โ hunting, searching for food.
I know this forest like the back of my paw; I expect no surprises from it. That was my mistake. You shouldnโt be so confident. I should have watched my step more carefully. Because my enemy โ the hunter โ is cunning and clever. He set a trap exactly where I least expected to meet him.
I didnโt feel the pain immediately. At first, a hot wave washed over me, and for some reason I felt scared and sad, as if the light in the world had gone out. Only after a couple of seconds did I feel an explosion of unbearable pain in my hind leg. As if a huge wolf tore it apart in one second into a thousand tiny pieces, each piece endowed with its own, separate pain. The pain from each piece would be enough to kill a pack of strong adult wolves. And I diedโฆ
When I came to, I truly thought it would have been better if I had died. Because I couldnโt bear this pain. But I lived. And endured. Because nearby was my confused wife, used to seeing me strong and responsible, the older children who ran out of their dens. I had no right to scare them, since they were already going out on the hunting trail today. The little ones looked at me with horror. In their eyes, I read the question: “How will we live now? Who will bring us food? Who will take us to forest school? Who will protect us from the angry jackal from the neighboring thicket?”
I had to show them that nothing terrible had happened and that I would recover soon, and everything would return to the usual routine.
Besides, I believed it myself. Not the first injury in my life, Iโm a young, strong wolf, everything will heal and mend, I will manage โ thatโs what I thought then.
But reality was less optimistic. I would say that the genre of this story is more like a horror movie. I honestly followed all the instructions of the wise Owl, who treated everyone in our forest, took medicinal herbs that made my head heavy and made it hard to think and speak, exercised the leg wrapped in a hard splint made of oak bark.
But the pain did not lessen. After a while, I realized that not only the hind leg was injured. Falling, I hit my back, and it also hurt and prevented me from moving.
I became dependent on outside help. Do you understand what that means? I โ master of my life, the best hunter in the forest, a caring husband and father, capable of carrying all six pups on my back and riding them along forest trails with cheerful laughter โ was forced to wait until my she-wolf had a free moment to carry me on her back out of the den into the bushesโฆ I was no longer the provider. My friends, the older children, brought part of their catch to our den. I felt immense gratitude to them, but how painful it wasโฆ
I was visited not only by wolves. The forest knew my family well, and everyone sympathized with our grief. Once a hedgehog, whom I had once helped free from a heavy apple that had fallen on his back, brought us a strangled mouse. I know you grew up with pictures where a cheerful hedgehog carries a rosy apple on his spines to his little ones. But in reality, hedgehogs are predators and donโt eat apples. And running is quite difficult for a hedgehog crushed by the weight of a heavy apple.
This friendly gesture completely broke me. A small, weak creature, recently needing my help, brings my children a piece so necessary to itself. That evening I cried for the first time.
Since then, I cried often: at first, shyly hiding my wet muzzle from my wife, and then without shame.
Over time, I got used to my dependence. You know, you can get used to absolutely anything. Attempts to go out on the hunting trail ended in shameful weakness. At first, I was angry, growled, and tried again and again. But then I gave up. The family got used to managing without me. Food was brought to us, my wife handled the household chores, though very tired. The children learned to get to the big oak on their own. Life settled not back into the old, not the most comfortable, but into a joyless, yet established routine.
I completely lost hope for recovery. The pain was severe. I couldnโt sleep at night and growled helplessly during the day. The mind-numbing herbs no longer helped. Pain became my usual hell. Probably, I would never admit it to myself or others, but I promised the Healer to be absolutely honest. I resigned myself and gave up. I was still ashamed to remain a useless cripple, but sometimes quiet thoughts crept into my mind: “I worked so hard all my life. I carried the responsibility for my family, friends, and many weaker forest inhabitants on my shoulders. I was always demanding of myself. Maybe itโs not so bad to rest a little? Of course, the pain is unbearable and doesnโt allow me to enjoy peace, but at least no one expects urgent decisions or responsibility from me. And most importantly, no one, not even myself, can reproach me for inaction.”
The life of a forest cripple tormented by pain became my reality.
But one day something happened that changed everythingโฆ
I met Dr. Nehama in the forest.
